This is a letter to the person I once loved and now has banished from earth.

No, she has not died physically but died in spirit.

What was her?

I always told her that I couldn't find a word to describe her, I could only find relatable words but she is unique.

And I think I finally found the word for that person.

Unpredictable...

Yeah, I think that suits her very well.

Because suddenly she appeared right in front of my eyes, I had nowhere to go, we would be attracted eventually and I'm sure of something, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be standing right here, she gave me another chance to live.

But... this is not about our story, this is a letter of respect for that person who is now gone, in spirit, she is gone and not to a good place, her remains are still struggling in this planet.

Anyway let's go...

Before she was gone, she was someone kind, who cared for others she struggled in her own ways to please others but that was not exactly what she was looking for, rather for the best thing for everyone, altough it did not always included her.

However... true to her nature she was selfish to a certain extent, she sometimes would focus too much on her own goals and just ignore everything else, she had no ill intentions although sometimes she had strong black feelings towards some people, she was very hateful of others sometimes not even respecting them properly, her rage builded up sometimes and exploded to great lenghts.

Sometimes her rage was focused on herself, she did not liked herself very much in almost every aspect, let's jump straight to her bad traits, because she emphatized them and they are were true but exagerated to a certain extent.

Very lazy and also scared of failing, her motto is never trying and just wait until things develop naturally, although sometimes he had sudden rises of determination and just attacked right away, but as she began to slowly change, those moments of determination were less and less, she was also lacking motivation overall and was a reason for her to just abandon this life.

Overall she was a defeatist, admiting failure before she even trying and saying she knew herself very well but that could be a well elaborated lie just to she stays in her own comfort zone.

But I will repeat, she was not a bad person, I think the development of her life is something she did not wanted, she was a person who truly wanted a reset button to exist and try everything again from the begining, oposite to people who believe their mistakes will take them somewhere however, she wanted to avoid failure when possible.

She also had a mask... a happy mask that she showed to everyone, she was always jumpy and dreamy,had the aspect of an idol and brought rainbows to everyone near her, trying to conceal her true and depressed nature.

Like I mentioned, she is unexpected and sometimes would just do something that you could never predict from her, as much as she hated change, either she changed lightly constantly or little by little showed herself because if you know her well and she is close to you, you will realize she surprises you every day.

She can also change decisions suddenly and stop completely a plan.

Emotionally... she is a trainwreck because her emotions invade her instantly and she can't act correctly, she told me once she acted sometimes by pure intuition and by doing that she could get into trouble.

That... is why we broke up the first time...

She couldn't hold the emotional weight of her actions until then.

She had a urge to be loved... but at the same time she was not ready, nor I think she will ever be ready to love someone, because first she needs to love herself, if she makes the mistake of being with someone else before loving herself, it will lead to tragedy in every aspect.

Finally I must say that she is a very complicated and deep person, even though she denies this and admits being a shallow person, she actually aims to be shallow and generic and has always been.

Eventually she reached her objective.

Why?

I don't know why she longed to be what she hates the most, I guess she was so obssesed with it she unconsiously did it.

And eventually backstabbed me.

This was somehow determined to happen, because of her inestable personality, she was able to enter my soldified fortress and destroyed the light core.

Why? Because she was unstable and just tried to look for fresh air inside my fortress, now she is gone and my fortress is stronger than ever.

How could she have been saved? Listening to me, listening to someone who has gone already through what she went and accepted her fate, listen to someone experienced in the ways of negative feelings.

But she refused and now she will crash into something even worse than I lived.

As for me?

Well... that will be for another day.

Farewell T, I won't call you H, because the day you changed your alias to H, something changed, I knew it, I admit during our relationship I managed to get to know inside H and the best side of you.

I wished you could actually get some rest and not live in that awful body just seeing how your own past made a monster of you like a parasite.

Goodnight my sweet seal.